TL;DR
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Bolde argues that people with a strong sense of self-worth can make personal decisions without seeking others’ permission, while still listening to advice and considering people affected. The article draws on research about breakups, reassurance seeking and U.S. views on having children, but those findings do not establish a universal rule connecting self-worth to the six behaviors it describes.
The article describes six decisions it says people with high self-worth do not put to a vote: leaving a job, ending a relationship, spending their own money, deciding whether to have children, changing their appearance and moving. Its distinction is between seeking useful information and seeking approval. A person may ask about finances, career prospects or a purchase’s quality, the article says, without handing someone else the authority to decide.
For breakups, the article cites research led by psychologist Samantha Joel and colleagues. It says the researchers followed more than 1,300 people in relationships over 10 weeks and studied a second group of 500 people considering a breakup. In both groups, believing a partner depended on the relationship was associated with being less likely to end it, even among people who were unhappy. Joel’s statement in a release, as quoted by Bolde, was: “Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?”
On repeated requests for reassurance, Bolde cites a 2008 meta-analysis of 38 studies that found an association with depressive symptoms. The article also reports a modest link with rejection from people providing reassurance and says the research is largely correlational, so it cannot establish which factor comes first. For parenthood decisions, it cites Pew Research Center figures: among U.S. adults under 50 without children, the share saying they were unlikely ever to have children rose from 37% in 2018 to 47% in 2023; 57% of that group said a major reason was that they simply did not want children.
Personal Choices Without a Veto
The article addresses a familiar tension: people often seek advice about choices that affect their lives, but repeated approval-seeking can make it harder to act on their own priorities. Its practical distinction is between consulting others for information and asking them to authorize a decision that is yours to make.
That distinction matters because some choices affect other people directly. Ending a relationship, moving away or changing shared finances may require honest discussion and planning, even if no one else has final say over an individual’s decision. The article itself acknowledges that loved ones can be affected; its argument is that their feelings should not automatically become a veto.
Readers should treat the six examples as advice and interpretation, not a diagnostic checklist. The cited studies address particular behaviors and associations; the supplied source does not show that researchers tested whether people with high self-worth consistently make all six choices without asking permission.
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Research Behind the Examples
Bolde presents its list as a way to recognize confidence in personal decisions, contrasting a request for input with a request for reassurance. It does not provide a single study directly testing that proposed link between self-worth and all six behaviors. The cited material instead concerns specific topics: relationship breakups, reassurance seeking, childbearing intentions and parental approval.
The article also quotes psychotherapist Nikita Amin from a Stylist article about adults seeking parental approval. Amin said the need for approval becomes a problem when it prevents people from living authentically or leads them to abandon something they want because a parent disagrees. That is expert commentary, not evidence that everyone who asks a parent’s opinion has low self-worth.
The childbearing figures describe the views of a particular group and period: U.S. adults under 50 without children, surveyed in 2018 and 2023. They show reported intentions and reasons, not a measure of self-worth or a prediction of what every respondent will ultimately decide.
““Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?””
— Psychologist Samantha Joel, quoted in a release about the relationship research
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Limits of the Self-Worth Claim
The supplied article does not identify a study showing that people with high self-worth never seek permission for these six decisions. The word “never” is the article’s framing; it is not established by the research it cites. The evidence described concerns specific associations and opinions, not a universal pattern or a clinical test of self-worth.
Important details about the cited studies are not fully set out in the supplied material, including their methods and measures. The article says the reassurance-seeking findings are largely correlational, which means they cannot show whether reassurance-seeking contributes to depressive symptoms, whether distress prompts reassurance-seeking, or whether other factors influence both. The childbearing figures also do not establish why people make their choices beyond the reasons respondents reported.
It is also not clear from the supplied report how the list’s examples were selected or whether the original researchers evaluated them together. Seeking advice, discussing a shared decision or asking for consent where another person’s rights are involved is different from asking for approval of an individual choice.
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How to Read the Advice
The article is an advice piece rather than a report of a new study or policy change, and the supplied source gives no next research milestone. Readers can apply its central distinction by asking whether they need information, discussion or permission—and whether the decision affects someone else’s rights, safety or shared commitments.
For major choices such as leaving a job, ending a relationship or moving, considering practical consequences and communicating clearly may be useful without turning other people into a decision-making committee. The research cited here supports narrower observations; a broader claim about self-worth would require studies that directly measure self-worth and test the behaviors across different people and circumstances.
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Key Questions
Does psychology prove that people with high self-worth never ask permission?
No. Bolde’s article makes that broad claim, but the research it cites addresses narrower topics and does not establish that people with high self-worth never ask for approval.
What research on relationships does the article cite?
It describes studies by psychologist Samantha Joel and colleagues involving more than 1,300 people in relationships over 10 weeks and a second group of 500 considering a breakup. The article says belief in a partner’s dependence on the relationship was associated with a lower likelihood of ending it.
What does the article say about reassurance seeking?
It cites a 2008 meta-analysis of 38 studies that found a link between excessive reassurance seeking and depressive symptoms. The article says the evidence is largely correlational, so it does not establish cause and effect.
What were the childbearing figures?
Pew Research Center figures cited by Bolde show that the share of U.S. adults under 50 without children who said they were unlikely ever to have children rose from 37% in 2018 to 47% in 2023. Among that group, 57% said a major reason was simply not wanting children.
Is asking someone for advice the same as asking permission?
No. The article distinguishes seeking useful information or discussing a decision from asking someone else to authorize it. Choices that affect a partner, family member or shared finances may still call for communication and practical planning.
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